Porn shops and adult novelty stores aren’t typically where I spend my Saturday afternoons. Granted, there’s nothing wrong with someone who does. Perhaps they’re simply enjoying a much more active and enjoyable sex life than I am.

However, it came to my attention, after much research, that sex is on the minds and in the beds of many college students, and perhaps a trip to the naughtier corners of Athens would produce an article that penetrated deep to the core of what college students really care about.

Junkman’s Daughter’s Brother

Admittedly, Junkman’s Daughter’s Brother is a place that sells much more than just bedroom items. However, its adults-only section, as tight of a space as it may be, is rather inviting.

For ladies seeking some electronic self-stimulation, there were classic “slimline” vibrators for only $9 – which more closely resemble the sleek, traditional, no-frills item seen in many a teen comedy _” as well as “rabbit”-style vibrators (like that of “Sex & the City” fame) for orgasm-hungry girls seeking simultaneous inner and outer pleasure. Those will run you anywhere from $20 to $70, but will never cheat on you with your best friend or call you drunk at 4 a.m. to ask for a ride.

Don’t get bashful now. This is just the tip of what’s to come.

For a mere $28, you (or your unsuspecting friend) could be the proud owner of a gigantic imitation phallus the size of a young male journalist’s forearm.

If you prefer kinky sex to a conservative relationship, perhaps you’d rather be tied up than tied down with the help of a bondage starter kit. For only $24, you get all the essentials, like bindings, a blindfold and, (most important and familiar to that naughty frat boy tied to your bed) a paddle.

Though many of the items seemed to be for females, there were some for men, namely “male enhancement devices” (more commonly known as penis pumps).

There was a wide selection of joke and gag items, such as MacAweenie & Cheese pasta, a “pecker popsicle maker,” as well as naughty playing cards and bobble head (of a penis) dolls.

For those seeking backdoor action, there were anal beads and plugs as well as a no-nonsense-looking jar of Penthouse brand “black label, heavy duty anal lube.” I suppose if something (or, more accurately, someone) is worth doing, it’s worth doing well. There were other brands of lube as well, including different styles and flavors of Wet, Emotion Lotion and Good Head Oral Delight Gel.

Though the items sold might sound dirty (but no less than your rampant imagination, no doubt), the place itself was clean and well organized. The clerks were not snoopy or judgmental, and it’s rather nice to know that if you’re ever in Junkman’s for something else, you can always drop into the adult section to get a new pair of candy panties.

Experience

Entirely dedicated to corporeal satisfaction, Experience was a huge step up from Junkman’s in terms of selection and variety. Their entire back wall is stockpiled with a mind blowing array of dildos, vibrators and anal sex items. This place knows its business top to bottom, front to back.

However, it also knows how to have fun, and there’s a whole corner section specifically for bachelorette novelties and gag gifts.

A sign in the store touts a 15 percent student discount, but when asked about the store’s clientele age range, Nora Moreno _” a rather personable and knowledgeable employee _” said, “We get them from 18 all the way to 90.” Perhaps those timid about being seen in a porn shop should worry more about their grandparents catching them than their friends.

As I curiously perused the four massive aisles of adult videos _” making particular note of “Lactamania #6: Milkshake Madness” _” Moreno explained that the store has a good number of couples come in and just as many girls as guys buying items as frequently for themselves as for friends.

As with Junkman’s, the place was very clean and organized and there were the standard bondage items and lube selections available, but unlike Junkman’s, Experience had condoms placed very prominently, emphasizing that the only thing better than great sex (or more great sex) is safe sex.

Experience also had a huge selection of adult magazines covering a wide spectrum of sexualities and fetishes.

Elations

Although it is smaller than Experience, Elations sported a few unique items that set it apart, namely Liberator sex pillows/ramps and an impressive rack of naughty lingerie.

Most of the same vibrators, pumps, plugs, lube, videos, beads and bondage equipment were available at Elations as the other stores, but the music was more sexual/fitting (i.e. rap), and the employees wore uniform shirts, giving the place a more professional, and thus less sketchy/guilt-inducing, feel.

The place did feel a bit more cramped, however, making an already uncomfortable shopping experience (for prudes like you and not me, of course) that much more uneasy.

As with the previous two stores, Elations had a dazzling assortment of smoking pipes (or whatever the hell you’re supposed to call them so as to not even hint that they could possibly be used to smoke illegal drugs _” God forbid).

This was not surprising, but I was intrigued by the rack of swords and the glass case of knives.

I can only guess that this portion of Elations is unrelated to the sex store side of things, but then again, everybody’s got their thing.