Go ahead – fork over those 60 greenbacks for a dozen roses that won’t survive that many days. Let them be a symbol of the enduring nature of your love. Buy those little chalk hearts with the cutesy phrases printed on them (so that when no one wants to eat them they can still convey a factory produced expression of your feelings.) While you’re at it, buy some of those chocolates filled with toothpaste and mayonnaise. That way they’ll really know how much you care for them. Throw in a generic card and a teddy bear to seal the deal. The U.S. Greeting Card Association will appreciate your support in cooperation with a billion other card buyers to make Valentine’s Day the second largest Hallmark Holiday of the year.

Don’t worry about the fact that St. Valentine was a martyr. As in, murdered for his beliefs. Religious intolerance shouldn’t make his holiday any less romantic. Never mind the fact that Geoffery Chaucer – you know, the old English poet guy – invented St. Valentine’s role as the patron saint of romantic love on a whim. I’m sure old Chaucer would love what modern society has done with his poem Parlement of Foules. It doesn’t really matter than all of these pink and red heart shaped paraphernalia came out of a poem describing the mating rituals of birds.

No no, carry on with your ignorant tradition. Go on rubbing salt in the wounds of the single. Gray the hairs of anxious males all over the country and leave hopeful girls heartbroken. Tear apart countless marriages because Dad forgot to buy a box of chocolates. And spend a ton of money while doing it.

The rest of us will silently protest as we watch bubbly couples oozing with commercialized love. Try not to let our sensibilities ruin the mood for you, though. Don’t worry, we’re not bitter – simply principled.