Sunday morning I read an article from the Sunday Telegraph about an internal memo leaked from the U.S. bank Citigroup.

The memo says the financial crisis could “end in one of two extreme ways: with either a resurgence of inflation; or a downward spiral into depression, civil disorder, and possibly wars.”

That’s really depressing. Life in general is pretty depressing right now.

So here’s my plan to at least end our school year on a high note.

It has come to my attention that everything I write appears on Google News, which means there’s a slight chance someone important might read it.

So here goes nothing – my open letter to Stephen T. Colbert:

Mr. Colbert,

I am a University of Georgia undergraduate student graduating this spring. Every May, all of us graduates crowd our beloved Sanford Stadium in a very long ceremony in very hot Georgia weather to hear a convocation speaker tell us to go out in the world and do good and not forget about all the people who don’t have our opportunities and that kinda stuff.

It’s meant to assuage our guilt when half of us go off to be investment bankers and Karl Rove protégés.

Mr. Colbert – excuse me, Mr. Stephen T. Colbert, bearer of Truthiness and all other related amazing things – I am asking you to be our commencement speaker.

Don’t say it. I know what you’re thinking. University of Georgia? Why would I go down there? They’d probably give me an honorary degree in Peach Cultivation.

You have to understand, Stephen, we need you.

Do you know who our fall commencement speaker is? Donald R. Eastmen, president of Eckerd College in Florida and a former vice president of the University of Georgia.

That’s right, we’re so bad at getting commencement speakers that we have to invite our own former administrators.

I imagine that University President Michael Adams – in between his busy schedule, complete with activities such as leaping Scrooge McDuck-style into a gigantic money vault or denying University Council-approved wage increases to underpaid workers – and the speaker selection committee decided he’s good enough.

But it isn’t, Stephen.

I see that you spoke at Princeton’s graduation ceremony last year.

You told them, “You can change the world. Please don’t do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going.”

Truer words have never been spoken. You sure told off those Ivy League liberal intellectuals!

Now come speak to a real American school. You know – the kind that had to militarize to desegregate and has a mural dedicated to that event located in a dorm just a few blocks from a Confederate-legacy fraternity. We’re like a living Comedy Central punch line!

Plus, I noticed that you have two Peabody Awards from our school.

It has been suggested that a third one shouldn’t be given to you unless you speak here. I didn’t suggest that. No, that’d be unethical. Bribes are bad.

It’s also been suggested that if you don’t come, we’ll invite Michael Moore. Or a grizzly bear. Or Michael Moore and a grizzly bear speaking with the Cuban National Anthem playing in the background.

Totally not my call.

So, Mr. Colbert, do the right thing.

Come to the University of Georgia, and ask, “University of Georgia, great University of the greatest University?”

- Zaid Jilani is a senior from Kennesaw majoring in international affairs.