What is the Board of Regents trying to do, make a student out of me? Raise my tuition so I’ll be more determined to keep HOPE? Encourage me to take 15 hours so I can’t stay around for an extra football season?

Well, sorry, chumps – you’re too late. Next season, I’ll be looking up to your Sanford Stadium luxury boxes to offer you a one-fingered salute.

The truth is, I think the Board of Rejects has a hidden agenda, and I don’t like it. It looks like the Regents are trying to make me study harder and get on track for the fabled four-year, on-time graduation experience.

This whole thing reminds me of my early years in schooling, when my parents controlled me like the Board of Rectums is trying to do. That was back when the state told me I had to go to school for 35 hours each week to stay in high school.

It was also back when my parents said I couldn’t have any video games or cable TV, so I could concentrate on the finer things in life. Look at what a warped, twisted individual came from never having Nintendo or Comedy Central until my college years.

That’s right – pretty rough. So when college came around, I realized there would be no better time to catch up.

I did a little work, and occasionally took 18 or 19 hours my first couple years. I did it all so I could get a little payback while slipping down to 12 hours my last two semesters.

I love it. Why go to extra classes when it’s so much more fun to discover the long-lost nuances of Goldeneye on Nintendo 64? I’m so much better now at Super Mario Brothers 3 than any of you could’ve been when you were 8 years old.

I’m certainly proud of it all, but I could never have done it had The Board of Reamers been putting such a vice grip on my jewels as it is now.

What is it with these clowns – do they not realize that St. Patrick’s Day can sometimes come on a Tuesday, like it did this year? Do they not realize if it does, I can’t be expected to make it to an early class on Wednesday?

It seems like simple logic to me, but it looks like the Board of Refuse isn’t into things like logic. They’re into pushing students to take more classes and keep a B average.

What is this, Yale? Do they even make students take 15 hours a week at Yale? I doubt it. These policies might mean I have to take more than two to three hours of class per day, and that’s unacceptable.

If I’ve learned anything after four years, it’s that college is about only two things – two gifts, really. And those two gifts are freedom – and drinking. Everything else in college simply comes from those two.

Get it now? Fifteen hours a week and B averages may be on the Board of Regents’ college wish list, but I don’t want them anywhere near mine.

My only fear is we may not have a choice in the matter. If that’s the case, I guess all I can say is you better enjoy this year’s Cinco De Mayo, because it’s also coming on a Tuesday.

So have fun sleeping in on Wednesday morning – because next year, you may be celebrating Seis De Mayo with an extra exam added to your schedule.

- Marc McAfee is a senior from Kennesaw majoring in broadcast news.