Having finished my first year here at the University I’d like to take the time to pass some words of wisdom down to the incoming freshman.

Those of you who have been around for a while might be bored by this list, but I suggest you take this opportunity to look back and be amused by your former innocence.

1. Under no circumstances should you expect to catch the bus at Tate during the middle of the day. If, by some miracle, a bus actually stops there it will be full.

You could always try to force your way on there but this will only cause everybody already on the bus to hate you for packing them in even more tightly.

2. If you do manage to get on the bus at Tate, never get off at Physics. This will likely result in everyone on the bus hating you for taking up space and being too lazy to walk for two minutes.

3. Whenever the dining halls have theme nights, be prepared for the exact same food but even longer lines. However these nights are useful in breaking up the otherwise monotonous menu.

4. It is highly advisable that you go to Target and buy some kind of roach baits. The girls in the dorm room next to mine actually named their roaches Bert and Ernie.

5. Adjust your eating habits to ensure that you will never be entering the dining halls during peak hours. This will ensure that you don’t have to stand in line for an hour before getting food.

6. Never use a map. This automatically identifies you as a freshman and thus a source of humor for all non-freshman.

7. Another way of ensuring you aren’t automatically spotted as a freshman is to learn your 810 number as soon as possible.

8. If you’re serious about working out, wait a couple weeks before going to Ramsey.

This will allow everyone else’s temporary dedication to the gym to settle down so that they realize they can’t stand Ramsey and all of its heavy equipment.

9. Plastic bags are essential on Sundays. They enable you to steal enough food to get you through Sunday dinner, the only meal not provided.

10. Work as hard as you can to avoid working. Sure everyone tells you how hard college is and they’re right.

But a little known scientific study proves that people do their best work at four in the morning while strung out on coffee after a night of drinking.

11. It is not essential to pay $200 for a book that you will only be able to sell for $20.

Everything is online these days. And why waste so much money on a book that you’ll only ever consider opening?

12. Avoiding the freshman 15 is easier than many say. This is because the majority of you will sleep late enough to skip breakfast entirely, thereby limiting the chances you’ll have to intake calories.

13. Laundry can easily be avoided through the purchase of Febreze. To get rid of wrinkles, simply press the garment out in between some books for about thirty minutes.

14. Making friends with an upperclassman is essential, so long as that person looks like you and is 21 or has a fake. This way you have a way of getting an ID and won’t have to give up your social life.

Well future-first years, I hope this was helpful. And if you’re a veteran of dorm life and dining hall fodder, I trust you appreciated the trip down memory lane.

- Megan Otto is the opinions editor of The Red & Black.