It’s a fraternity of visor-throwin’, smooth-talkin’, fire-spittin’, sharp-tongued coaches, some with Southern drawls, some with roots elsewhere, all of whom unleash the most vicious and unbridled, smash-mouthed tacklers and work horses in the game; good ol’ boys who trade their “yes, ma’am”s and collared shirts for expletives and shoulder pads on Saturdays.

But don’t get too comfortable, outsiders, because we’re about to step on your face with a hobbed-nail boot and break your nose, you mediocre, out-of-conference competition.

Throw away your sweater vests, and put on your big boy shorts. You are in the SEC now, young buck.

SEC may as well stand for Superior to Every Conference, winning the past three national championships and five since the dawn of the BCS era, including a 5-0 record in the BCS Championship game (while the Big 12 holds an outstanding 2-4 record in the same category). It could not be more crystal clear that the road to the national championship is scattered with bits and pieces of other conference’s football teams that have mustered up the courage to be hurdled over and beaten embarrassingly by the SEC year after year.

Florida handed the “high-powered” Big 12 offense of Oklahoma a loss in the 2009 BCS Championship game that left Bob Stoops flabbergasted and doing the Gator Chomp. Les Miles might as well have just pulled Jim Tressel’s sweater vest over the Buckeye coach’s head, and spun him in the direction of home before the clock even started ticking in the 2008 BCS Title game.

Even though Oklahoma and USC players have won five of the last seven Heisman Trophies, and there have only been two Heisman Trophy winners out of the SEC since 1990 (both from Florida), the SEC has had 99 players selected in the first round of the NFL Draft since 1992, and 465 players have been drafted into the NFL since 1997.

Last time I checked, individual awards will get a team no where except the losers circle crying and wanting their blanky because they just lost another one to the boys down south.

We claim a couple southern boys with the last name of Manning (not sure if you’ve heard of those kids or not) that are now on the path to Canton, Ohio. We also are responsible for another Super Bowl MVP whose first name does not give him any shares in the Heinz 57 stocks (unless of course No. 86 loves the red condiment enough to share it with John Kerry’s wife).

The SEC trails only the Big 12 in number of national championships since 1936 (the Big 12 has collected 18, and the SEC has 17). And with the most teams ranked in the top 15 in the USA Today 2009 Preseason Poll, the SEC is on the tail of those Big 12 eggheads.

Fans hail from far and near to watch their favorite squads smack helmets as they partake in what some would refer to as a religious experience every Saturday during the fall.

It’s the Dawg Walk on Saturdays in Athens, it’s the (obnoxious) Gator Chomp, the Rocky Top tune that will never cease to exist as it echoes around each stadium the Volunteers invade and LSU’s persistent push to add an -eaux at the end of each and every possible word.

It’s the SEC, and we’re simply the best.

- Rachel G. Bowers is a sports writer for The Red & Black