Ever wonder what UGA President Michael Adams does during a normal day? If I had to guess, I’d say it goes something like this:

7 a.m. – Wake up in king-sized Brazilian rosewood bed. Laugh that students are in dorms sleeping on 200-thread-count twin extra-long sheets. Comb hair.

7:15 a.m. – Shower, put on monogramed bathrobe and matching slippers.

7:20 a.m. – Brush teeth, carefully maneuvering around braces. Linger in front of mirror, pondering the countless benefits of braces for the 60-and-over crowd. Comb hair.

7:27 a.m. – Select one of 500 tailored suits. From another closet, pick one of 200 ties.

7:34 a.m. – Sashay down spiral mahogany staircase to hallway mirror. Admire combination of tan sport coat, lime green oxford and pink bow tie.

7:37 a.m. – Step into silver Mercedes SUV. Check hair in mirror.

7:40 a.m. – Leave Timothy Road neighborhood. Swing down Prince Avenue, noting President’s House and agree with self that living there would put me far too in touch with the University community.

8 a.m. – Park in reserved space behind Administration Building, avoid students driving in circles looking for a parking space.

8:01 a.m. – Hurry into office, avoid contact with students. Comb hair.

8:03 a.m. – Enter office. Delight in the scent of its many leather-bound books.

8:30 a.m. – Breakfast is a croissant, yogurt and cappuccino brought in by secretary. Read New York Times while eating. Use Red & Black as placemat.

8:35 a.m. – Telephone Vice President of Public Affairs Tom Jackson to check whether anybody is peeing on one of my 200-year-old oak trees on North Campus.

9 a.m. – Contemplate the day’s outdoor news conference. Look out window and notice it’s raining. Smile and consider which staffer will hold my umbrella.

10:13 a.m. – Check UGA’s endowment rankings. Beam with pride. The University is ranked alongside such storied institutions as Furman University and Macalester College.

10:30 a.m. – Inform police that portly man in blue suit reported looking with binoculars in bushes on North Campus is Tom Jackson on a special mission from me.

11:07 a.m. – Edit own Wikipedia entry. Delete “struggles and controversies” section. Vow to lambaste whoever keeps adding such nonsense.

11:38 a.m. – Send condolence card to Coach Richt, the only man on campus with more problems than I have.

11:52 a.m. – Look over list entitled “popular University figures in need of termination.” Look at struck-through names, chuckle. Add “Mark Richt” to list.

12:30 p.m. – Hold news conference in front of Administration Building in driving rain about benefits of faculty furloughs. Admire dedication of protesting faculty members. Announce three more furlough days.

1:48 p.m. – Sign wife’s stipend check. Reflect again on the benefits of being president and benefits of furloughs for everyone else.

2:04 p.m. – Issue yet another denial that I want the NCAA job, even though I haven’t been offered it.

2:21 p.m. – Decide dreary weather has me in a sour mood. Cancel the evening’s “Open Mic with Mike” session.

3:04 p.m. – Leave the Administration Building for home as same staffer holds umbrella.

- Justin Davidson is a senior from Lawrenceville majoring in newspapers