SAW VI

The “Saw” franchise has great potential. Tobin Bell plays a villain whose twisted perception of atonement rekindles that of Kevin Spacey’s performance in Se7en. The plot twists of the first two pictures were phenomenally original and unpredictable. And that hand-crafted doll with painted red swirly cheeks is a guaranteed nightmarish add to an already terrifying premise.

The problem with “Saw VI” is its amateurish quality. “Torture Porn” is an appropriate classification for the “Saw” movies – not just for its gore-friendly content but because, just like real porn, the quality of filmmaking appears unprofessional and laughable.

Even worse, “Saw VI” actually attempts political relevancy by focusing on a CEO of a health insurance company known for denying coverage when clients are in most need of help. He’s captured and must complete a series of “games” that force him to murder dozens of associates.

In Jigsaw’s mind, if this man doesn’t kill people directly, he’ll never learn the immorality in killing strangers indirectly. Jigsaw’s perverse philosophy seemed more layered and rationalized about five movies ago. Once a genius mastermind reminiscent of Hannibal Lecter, Jigsaw is now just a man occupied with sadistic tomfoolery.

He’s also been dead for the past few films in the series, and how do the writers make up for that conundrum? Flashbacks. “Saw VI” isn’t peppered with flashbacks to aid a plot dependent on previous “Saw” films; it’s submerged in them. Half of this movie is a flashback; the other half is a plot twist.

Even though Jigsaw has a protégé who uncannily resembles Sylvester Stallone but has half the acting skill, he’s still playing God from the grave. The widowed ex-wife collects his will only to find a mysterious box containing the plans for all of his future murders.

The plot is too difficult to follow, and the twist at the end, though fascinating, is more convoluted than it should be. Put simply, the director tried too hard to blow your mind.

The ending makes it almost too clear that everything has come full circle and puts definitive closure on the series – yet a Saw VII is planned for 2010.

VERDICT: The idea of a new script for this franchise will horrify movie lovers more than actually watching this sad exploitation of human suffering.

- Michael Prochaska

ZOMBIELAND

Zombieland opens with self-described loner Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) explaining his rules for survival in what used to be the U.S. but is now Zombieland.

Rule two, or “double tap,” originally meaning to shoot a zombie twice, is actually the first rule made and used by Columbus. He describes his life as a shut-in pre-epidemic and recalls playing World of Warcraft one Friday night when his hot neighbor 406 (Amber Heard) knocks frantically at his door. 406 reveals she was chased by a homeless man who tried to bite her. After calming her down, he wakes up from a nap to find her face dripping with blood with an insatiable craving for manwich. In order to escape her he has to hit her twice, the double tap.

Fast-forward two months and Columbus is walking down a car-filled, yet completely deserted, highway. He’s headed to Ohio to see if his parents are still alive, yet he’s utterly convinced he’s the only human alive.

Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) shows up in his big black Escalade with a creative bunch of weapons, his humanity still in check. With his “put up or shut up” attitude, Tallahassee has one goal apart from survival: to lay his hands on one of the remaining Twinkies.

On such a Twinkie-finding mission they come upon sisters. The younger sister, Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), has been bitten by a zombie, and the older sister, Wichita (Emma Stone), is looking for a humane way to kill her. It turns out to be a ruse, and the sisters lift both the weapons and the Escalade off the men. They proceed to con Tallahassee and Columbus again about seven minutes later in the movie. It’s refreshing to see women play intelligent, dishonest and sneaky individuals. Wichita might be the sexiest character in any movie I’ve seen this year, and Emma Stone does an amazing job in the role.

The four decide it would be easier to stick together, despite the girls’ obvious trust issues, and head up to Los Angeles, where Wichita has heard the amusement park Pacific Playland is zombie-free.

Perhaps the best part of the movie is when they rest for the night at Bill Murray’s house. They are startled by what appears to be Bill Murray (who plays himself) as a zombie, but it turns out he adopted the make-up and a wig so he can walk around in the zombie masses undetected and play golf.

Comedy-horror is a tough genre to successfully execute. “Zombieland” is that rarity. It packs much more humor than horror, though it does have an immense amount of gore. The characters are surprisingly developed – Tallahassee, in all his destructiveness, is a grieving father.

It’s easy to connect to these characters to cheer them on, but it’s just as easy to laugh at them. Columbus is completely gutless, and I found that slightly annoying at times, but it was easy to forgive when I was constantly laughing at his expense.

VERDICT: Rule 32: Enjoy the little things. “Zombieland” is already the top-grossing zombie film of all time, it’s got some of the best one-liners of the year and, with its appropriately short length, there’s no reason not to indulge.

- Paige Parker