A discussion recently arose amongst my friends about cheating. There are many things people can do that blatantly qualify as cheating, but one aspect I had not yet considered is emotional cheating.

Bianca Strosnider

My friend explained that sometimes she confides in a male friend of hers and discusses her feelings with him as opposed to her boyfriend because she doesn’t want to “bother [her boyfriend] with the little things.”

This happens more than people would expect. When one person in a relationship feels as if the partnership is not emotionally fulfilling, turning to someone else that cares about you and listens to you without a second thought can fill your relationship void.

However, if your significant other discovers this deeper connection, the hurt can sometimes be worse than that associated with physical cheating. Many men perceive their partner having emotional connections with other men as much more hurtful than sexual unfaithfulness, according to a 2010 study done at Penn State.

I’m not dismissing the pain that physical cheating can cause, but emotional cheating can be extremely painful as well. A random, drunken hook-up is a sign of many problems that need to be resolved if a couple decides to move forward in the relationship. However, emotionally connecting with someone on a deeper level is much more intimate, therefore can take a more serious toll.

And it can happen more often than people are aware because many don’t know what it means to be an emotional cheater. Asking someone about your problems occasionally in order to understand what your partner is feeling is different than establishing an intimate relationship with someone to whom you could potentially be attracted.

Emotional cheating can cover a range of characteristics, and many of them involving a secretive aspect. For example, if you discuss things you are upset about with said friend but not with your significant other, it can seem like your “friend” has more of an understanding of who you are than your partner.

A sure sign of emotional cheating is feeling a need to hide from your partner that you are getting together with your “friend,” as the need for secrecy seems to be the biggest indicator that something is wrong with the relationship.

Even if discussing your relationship and dreams can seem innocent at first, forming a strong friendship with a potential romantic partner can allow feelings to develop. During any healthy relationship you should have your own friends and passions, but allowing a friend to be your emotional crutch can cause pain for someone else.

In a strong relationship, you should be able to discuss and fix problems, even if they seem inconsequential. The need for someone else may be an indicator that you should work on your communication skills and the intimacy of your relationship, for the choice to include someone else in your relationship can have destructive repercussions.

— Bianca Strosnider is a junior public relations major from Sandy Springs