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GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: Finding comfort in unsettling self-exposure

It was a Saturday night when I found myself riverside at a bright and raging bonfire. On a folding table, bottles of liquor stood arranged like bowling pins, their dubious quality advertised by names beginning with “grand-dad” or “uncle” and ending in “pride” or “gentleman.” Watching trees become flame and beer become disinhibitions, I wiggled [...]

Subbing cigarettes for a breath of fresh air

I was 17 the first time I lit a cigarette. It was there and I was curious. Like toasting bread or changing a light bulb, the act wasn’t well-planned or grandiose, and the mood lacked the criminal electricity of a health class video. Arms akimbo on a fall afternoon, my friend and I took turns raising this [...]

GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: In romance, scenes from a horror film

I’m a horror addict. Since childhood I’ve bathed in the dim glow of a television, watching as sea monsters devour ’40s starlets and crazed ax murderers deliver fatal, bloody blows. As a suspiciously creepy doctor traces his eager fingers over a sharp blade, I study the bad lighting on his patient and scoff. The predictability [...]

Halloween anonymity breeds wonder

Halloween: blood, guts and more sugar than I consume in an average month, all rolled into one glorious occasion. From grade school onward, my friends and I spent months planning our perfect costumes — elaborate outfits that fueled the fire of our yearly masquerade. Pranks, candy, severed limbs. They were my jam. And since we never [...]

GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: Hating to love what you can’t have

So there’s this guy. Steve, Brad, Josh, whatever. One night I’m out with friends, and Steve’s all, “Hey girl, lemme grab you a Coors,” as I grin uncomfortably. This person is a familiar type. He wears all of his hats sideways and has a tribal tattoo. He talks about fantasy football and pitbull breeding. He genuinely [...]

GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: Mourning the death of manly men

When I look at my grandmother’s photos, I feel at home. I gaze at her elaborate dresses and thumb the glossy corners of her memories. The people were supremely elegant. And they resonate with me. These aren’t Facebook albums. They’re 1960s pop-up books that tell tales aged 40 years, and they are delicious to take [...]

GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: Forget single fears: long live life unattached

I’m pretty single right now. A quick examination of my laundry might confirm this. Devoid of a boyfriend’s button-downs or boxers, what’s mine is unmistakably mine. Half my bed is often a resting place for my bras, books and extremely glamorous bags of gummy worms. But not, for the past couple of years, a boyfriend. [...]

GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: How to attract hot, sexy men

Both the Rolling Stones and college football games remind us of an unfortunate truth: we can’t always get what we want. But we can sure as hell try. I was thumbing through the pages of the latest Cosmopolitan, filing my nails and staring into space, when I had a frighteningly pensive bolt of brain activity. [...]

GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: Take the plunge into close relationships

I stare down at the chipped polish on my toes as they graze a rock with caution. Acutely aware of my heartbeat, I dry swallow nothing. On this June day, the sun’s palms reach down hot and heavy ‘til the wind bursts through, pushing them from my shoulders. Atop a 30-foot cliff at the edge [...]

GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: A drunk narrative

This night will be a classy night. I promise. It will end politely. I’m at the go-to bar with friends, taking in the scenery. I’m looking at the beer selection and I’m observing the boy selection. I spot a fine flock of plaid-wearing beard-men opposite the beer taps. My group approves as we stake our  [...]

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